indigo blue

Judas nothing can undo the time this noose my folly my sin no one could forgive me ever or pity my horror my pain never again his smile his eyes his holy bread his  wine no more love or clan no hope just this body  and this rope

who heard my cry  my son? my wife? this broken jar? my longing and despair and I stood witness to my son, my wife, the soldiers, Cesar, God and all my love and all my hate was there

no woman's land no place for tears this empty silence very loud these holes, so black and deep an awful wish that he would not have been "the one" because he is and all is love and all is gone and all and all and all is one and never will I find him alive again for me 

torn hollow heart won't beat my chest a cave of blood  my son  warm  life and breath ? with fear I shape his name

the wound tasted of iron, old blood, pain; but still..  the eyes  so changed,  keen, clear, cold; not him.. said "Thomas" shook my shoulder, smiled again, I knew him then.  END

                                                                                                                                              31 Aug 2016 Falling This dark deep water drawing the granite from the rock has no more sound than murmur and tipping, falling, knowing, I dive slowly in expand and drinking swim all entered entering

Heartbeat my mouth your mouth  my love my passion your being and body and breath my breath your breath my body my being your passion my love my love   5 Oct 2016

Negative Space  counting waves this one, next one, this one breaking moment, then two then one then one then two breathless dancing, breathing,  not me and you,  but you and you and you, and me and me,  two and three now in turn we spin outward in  three and four our time place world  our home no more                                                                                                                 30 Oct 2016

Tears gasping for water sharp bare sea bed cold cold rock I will fill this pit with tears  then swim away   30 Nov 2016

Caught This woven prison pulls us  stolen passengers  claws and clatters fish and fin unhappy swell let me out let me in   20 Feb 2017

Bleeding how to separate how to sew up stop the flow how to never know walk swim sleep long nothing there nothing wrong no song no find another one find a self that can long and long and long for you carelessly again   March 2017

Who could have loved me bitter and black my skin a taut sack of unwanted gifts Who did not love me gliding the light my soft liquid kiss a quick cursed joy Who will yet love me enchanting shudder taste dragging weed as I wait for another

 I miss my girl our dance in the dark across the grass the winter wind  all blowing hair with small hands waving  and eyes my colour  looking back at me with love  and loss  and laughter

Glorious Espinho Palace of light without the palace Fizzing trumpeting wind blown sea shattering sword of love and all embracing joy of God and out of the depths I cried to you O Light Glorious Espinho