indigo blue

Judas nothing can undo the time this noose my folly my sin no one could forgive me ever or pity my horror my pain never again his smile his eyes his holy bread his  wine no more love or clan no hope just this body  and this rope

who heard my cry  my son? my wife? this broken jar? my longing and despair and I stood witness to my son, my wife, the soldiers, Cesar, God and all my love and all my hate was there

no woman's land no place for tears this empty silence very loud these holes, so black and deep an awful wish that he would not have been "the one" because he is and all is love and all is gone and all and all and all is one and never will I find him alive again for me 

torn hollow heart won't beat my chest a cave of blood  my son  warm  life and breath ? with fear I shape his name

the wound tasted of iron, old blood, pain; but still..  the eyes  so changed,  keen, clear, cold; not him.. said "Thomas" shook my shoulder, smiled again, I knew him then.  END